Knivessama and Friends!
by Olddeadaccountplz
Summary: [the old Seiichiro Tatsumi fic] XD; I'm back and I'm reposting my stories. BUNNIES.
1. Default Chapter

{*Tsuzuki-chan walks out on stage again and holds up a sign: "Welcome again, minna-san! Back for more, ne? You're all masochistic! Well, I'm sadistic, so it's a good match. ANYWAYS, seeing that Gravi, YnM, and GW weren't enough, I have decided to go into the world of Trigun! Oh, yes, hahaha...once I get to watch all of Fruits Basket, Tenshi ni Narumon, and Saiyuki, I'll victimize them as well! HAHAHA! Laugh with me now! Er...anyways. I'll give the language warning, along with the yaoi one, oh...and there's VIOLENCE. Yippee. Play/script form. Please forgive my rusty knowlege of Trigun Maximium. Well, on with the freak show!" Tsuzuki- chan runs off *}  
  
Stroy Time with Knives-sama and Friends (A TV Special)!!! by Tsuzuki-chan (Seiichiro Tatsumi)  
  
((The typical pre-school show music starts playing to opening of the show. Very Mr. Rodger's-esque. After the opening, the screen fades into what appears to be the living room of a house, full of little kids sitting around a chair. No one is in the chair yet, but Wolfwood walks out. His smile is very forced, and he's sweating very hard. Plus he's sporting a nasty bruise on his forehead. He stands infront of the crowd of kids and speaks.))  
  
WOLFWOOD: Hello, kids! KIDS: Hello, Mr. Wolfwood! WOLFWOOD: Knives and his ((pause)) "special" helper will be out in a minute...But, before they do, I-- KID 1: Mr. Wolfwood!!! ((raising hand)) WOLFWOOD: Yeah...What's your question...((trying to read kid's name tag))...uh, Timmy? KID 1: Where did ya get your bruise???? WOLFWOOD: Ehh...How do I put this...Um, eh heh heh heh...((moaning and grunting heard from inside a room in the house)) Mr. Wolfwood interupted Knives while he was playing with his "special" friend.... KID 1: What game were they playing??? KID 2: Can we play, Mr. Wolfwood??? KIDS: Let's play Knives-sama's game!!! WOLFWOOD: Hell no!!! Er, no....kids....heh heh heh ((puts hand behind neck and starts to blush))...they're playing um, "grown up" games. ((under breath)) Like I want to do, but nooo... I have to wait for Knives and his blue-haired bitch. ((Normal speaking level)) Well, let's go to Leonof the Puppetmaster with crafts!!!  
  
((All the kids cheer and are generally hyper. They all crowd around Leonof, who is making sock puppets with Caine the Longshot. Caine manages to smile, despite that screwed up mask/face covering, and waves at the kids and the camera. They go through the steps without speaking to eachother, and, more importantly, the kids. Wolfwood just sighed and shakes his head the entire time, and when Leonof and Caine were done, he led the kids back over to the chair.))  
  
((The kids gathered around the chair, which was now occupied by Knives, who is smiling in his usual way. Legato is standing behind him, looking kind of like an SS officer. Legato is also in a very uncharacteristic bunny costume.))  
  
LEGATO: ((whispering)) Master...Why must I wear this? KNIVES: ((whispering)) Chapel says that the spikes and the skull are a tad bit intimidating for the kids. We're only doing this to raise funds for bullets and such for killing the human race, except you, sex-kitten. Plus, you'll have to get out of that hot...sweaty....((closes eyes)) ((slightly above normal speaking level)) Mmmm....oh, yes....((Drooling)) KIDS: Knives??? What's wrong??? LEGATO: You will address him as "Master" or "Knives-sama"!!! WOLFWOOD: ((Off camera)) ((Barely audible)) Yeah, that's what I heard you moaning a second ago. LEGATO: Silence, Chapel! You're the one that made me dress like this! KNIVES: ((Clears throat)) ((EXTREMELY forced smile)) Well, anyways, time for the story! I'll have help from Legato, too! KIDS: Yay!!! LEGATO: Shut up, or I shall start sacrificing you all to my Master! KIDS: ((Silent)) LEGATO: Thank you. KNIVES: ((whispering)) Thank you, sweetie. ((winks at Legato)) ((Normal speaking level)) Er, once upon a time, as all these things start out like this, there were....uh....two, no, three,uh.., some bunnies. Two bunnies were twins named....um, V-chan and K-chan. The other bunny wasn't really a bunny, but it should have been. It was a....((whispers to Legato)) What's a good not-bunny creature that could be cute like a bunny? LEGATO: ((pause)) ((thinking)) ((whispering)) A chinchilla? KNIVES: ((whispering)) What in the hell is a chinchilla? LEGATO: ((whispering)) The fuck if I know. KNIVES: Well....continuing... The other bunny wasn't a bunny at all, but he should have been. He was a chinchilla. LEGATO: And before you ask what a chinchilla is, we don't know. And, yes, I can read your minds. No, Timmy, I'm not really a bunny. I'm a grown man. KNIVES: If any of you insult him, you will die. KIDS: Yes, Knives-sama.... KNIVES: ((cheerfully)) Good! So, one day, V-chan left K-chan! That made K-chan very sad because V-chan left him to go to some RATS! KIDS: Eeeewwww.... KNIVES: ((chuckles evilly)) ((starting to get kind of into it)) Yes...a lot of rats. A PLANET of rats. But K-chan went to find rats that didn't agree with V-chan's stupid "love & peace" speeches. But then, K-chan found the prettiest creature ever... KIDS: Ooooooh....  
  
((Suddenly, the doors fly open and Elendira the Crimsonnail walks in and stands next to Legato))  
  
LEGATO: ((Glare of Death)) Elendira... ELENDIRA: O ho ho ho!!! The prettiest creature that K-chan saw was a flying squirrel named E-chan!!! LEGATO: Was not! ELENDIRA: Was too! KNIVES: ((mumbles)) I thought I was telling the story...((sniffs)) LEGATO: Let Knives-sama continue. ELENDIRA: Okay! KNIVES: Well, the creature was a chinchilla named L-chan! LEGATO: Told you, biaotch! ELENDIA: Hand licker. LEGATO: Nuriko-wannabe. ELENDIRA: Uni-bang reject. LEGATO: Flying slut. ELENDIRA: "Look, Ma, no hands" eater! LEGATO: Oh, that's low! Time to die, this ain't the manga!!! I'm not in a stupid box!!! WOLFWOOD: ((From off-camera)) Take it out side, you pussies!  
  
((Legato and Elendira glare at eachother, then walk outside))  
  
KNIVES: Well, K-chan met L-chan. They had many adventures together. Finally, K-chan met with V-chan again! KIDS: Yay!!! KNIVES: K-chan tried to tell V-chan to leave those rats alone, but V-chan wouldn't listen! WOLFWOOD: ((Off-camera)) This is about to get graphic...I know it... KNIVES: Be quiet, Chapel. So, K-chan had to punish V-chan! K-chan fought V-chan for a long time, until K-chan made V-chan lose his left paw! KIDS: ((some gasp, others cry)) WOLFWOOD: Oh, dear lord.... KNIVES: V-chan ran away from K-chan, but K-chan still had his left paw! As a gift-- WOLFWOOD: ((Off-camera)) ((Rather loud)) I think I need to vomit... KNIVES: ((Clears throat)) As a gift, he rips off L-chan paw, and puts of V- chan paw! K-chan then realized he ripped off the wrong paw on L-chan! He then quickly corrected that...And never told L-chan about that...eh he he he...AND if the chipmunk named C-chan told L-chan about that, C-chan wouldn't feel too good afterwards... WOLFWOOD: ((Off-camera)) NO PROBLEM WITH THAT!!! KNIVES: So... KIDS: ((ALL of them are crying))  
  
((Legato walks back in, smiling))  
  
LEGATO: All of the kids are crying. I told them all to SHUT UP!!! KIDS: ((Two or three keep crying)) LEGATO: Aw, screw it. This bunny suit iches. I wanna get naked. KNIVES: Yes, finally!!! Let's go!!!  
  
((Knives and Legato leave the living room to go back to the room they were in before))  
  
WOLFWOOD: ((walks on camera)) What a trainwreak... I think I need some Vash right about now. Knives and his blue-haired whore inspired me.  
  
((Wolfwood walks out the door))  
  
((Caine the Longshot comes back out with sock puppets made for all the kids. All the kids cheer and hug him))  
  
((the camera fades out))  
  
__--*--__ 


	2. Chapter 02

{*Tsuzuki-chan walks out on stage and holds up a sign that says: "Yo yo yo, minna-san! I decided to write this before continuing with "The Random Adventures of Schwarz" Walmart thing. This just kinda came to me..."*}  
  
Story Time with Knives-sama and Friends (Another TV Special)!!! by Seiichiro Tatsumi (Tsuzuki-chan)  
  
((Shots of a countryside/woods area are shown and the narrator, Midvalley, speaks.))  
  
MIDVALLEY: Uh....Once upon a time...um, there was some stuff, then some crap happened, people died, and happily ever after. The end.  
  
((Gun shots can be heard))  
  
MIDVALLEY: SHIT!!! I know we need more money, but damn! ((Clears throat)) Um, once upon a time there was a family. ((the camera goes to a house)) They lived in the woods. Actually, it was a father, ((Wolfwood walks out, in a lumberjack-esque outfit. He also has a fake beard)) and his two ....lovely.... children... ((camera goes to Knives, who is in shorts and t-shirt, and Legato, who is in poofy dress with his hair in pigtails. And, of course, they're making out like crazy)). Well, they were happy.  
  
WOLFWOOD: ((whispering)) Hey, you're s'posta be brother and... sister. This is--  
  
KNIVES: ((whispering)) It's like twinsest, right?  
  
WOLFWOOD: ((whispering)) Well, true-- hey! ((Knives and Legato continue)) Children are watching this!!!  
  
KNIVES: ((whispering)) So? It's sex-ed!!! AND I don't think we look much like kids.  
  
LEGATO: ((whispering)) You dare question His word, Chapel?!  
  
WOLFWOOD: ((whispering)) No.  
  
KNIVES: ((whispering)) Good!  
  
WOLFWOOD: ((whispering)) Um, I guess we should get this over with...Midvalley...please continue...  
  
MIDVALLEY: Well, one day... the father came told his kids that they'd have a stepmother.  
  
WOLFWOOD: Hey, Knives and blue-haired female. I've gotten hitched.  
  
KNIVES: So?  
  
LEGATO: Fuck off, Chapel, er... Please leave us alone, daddy dearest.  
  
KNIVES: Who's our....mommy...((looks behind Wolfwood)) ..... ((snicker)) Oh, my dear lord...((starts cracking up completely))  
  
LEGATO: Na? ((looks at what Knives is looking at)) Sweet Jesus! ((cracks up))  
  
WOLFWOOD: ((bites lip)) Um, yeah. This is...((snicker)) your....stepmother....Caine.  
  
((Caine the Longshot walks out and is in HORRIBLE drag.))  
  
CAINE: ....  
  
WOLFWOOD: ((whispers)) Exactly.  
  
MIDVALLEY: Their new stepmother was very mean and cruel to them, but their father never saw anything.  
  
((Wolfwood strolls off camera, and Caine, Knives, and Legato are just standing there.))  
  
((long pause))  
  
LEGATO: Well, hit us or something.  
  
CAINE: ((looks horrified at the thought, and shakes his head))  
  
KNIVES: Just tap us on the head. Fake it.  
  
((Caine walks over to Knives and Legato, and taps both of them on the head. Both do overly dramatic falls, and somehow, Legato head falls conveniently near Knives' crotch. His hand moves to the fly of Knives' shorts. Caine walks off camera, in this same direction as Wolfwood.))  
  
MIDVALLEY: Uh... After that life-scarring experience, Knives came up with a plan.  
  
KNIVES: ((taps Legato)) Not right now, sex kitten.  
  
LEGATO: But...Master...  
  
KNIVES: ((winks)) Later.  
  
LEGATO: Yay!  
  
KNIVES: Well, we have to get out of here. She abuses us.  
  
LEGATO: What do we do?  
  
KNIVES: Let's run for it.  
  
LEGATO: Okay.  
  
((Knives and Legato make a mad dash for the woods))  
  
MIDVALLEY: Well, the kids went out into the forest. The boy had brought some bread and left a trail of crumbs in case the got lost.  
  
((Knives is throwing chunks of bread on the ground, and Legato eyes them))  
  
LEGATO: ....Food. Why does the script call for us to waste food? ((picks up a chunk of bread and eats it)) It's tasty. Mmmmm.... Sweet carbohydrates ease the pain of living...  
  
KNIVES: Um, do you know what's been on the ground?  
  
LEGATO: Not really. Nor do I care. Plus this is a set. We live on a desert planet. Do we really have trees like this that naturally occur?  
  
KNIVES: Point. But you're not suppost to eat the bread.  
  
LEGATO: ((suggestively)) What can I eat?  
  
KNIVES: ((purrs)) Remember? We have to save that for later...  
  
LEGATO: Damn.  
  
((The two continue to walk.))  
  
KNIVES: I was thinking, it's just a random thought... I've never really payed attention to this, but... Is your hair really blue?  
  
LEGATO: Of course, Master. Do you want me to change it?  
  
KNIVES: Not at all. But your hair is naturally blue, so...  
  
LEGATO: ((blushes and stops)) Yes, Master... All of my hair is blue. ((Back faces camera, and he lifts up his dress so the veiwers don't see anything)).  
  
KNIVES: Damn, you've even got girl's panties on! Damn, that's makin' me horny!  
  
LEGATO: ((suggestively)) That's not the only hair that's blue. But we have to save that for later.  
  
KNIVES: Aw...  
  
((Legato puts his dress down, and they continue to walk.))  
  
MIDVALLEY: ((whispers)) Holy crap! Did Legato just have Powerpuff girl under--((normal speaking voice)) OH! Uh, the two kids walked and walked, until they came to a candy house.  
  
((Knives and Legato come up to a candy house. Legato starts to cry tears of joy, and dives onto the house.))  
  
LEGATO: Kick ass! ((eating house))  
  
KNIVES: ((blinks)) Is it good? (( walks over slowly))  
  
LEGATO: Of course! It's FOOD! ((takes off part of the wall)) Ginger bread...mmmmm....((eats)).  
  
MIDVALLEY: Then an evil drag queen, er, witch came out of the house.  
  
((The door of the house flies open, smacking Legato right off the porch. Elendira the Crimsonnail walks out in the stereotypical witch outfit.))  
  
LEGATO: ((stands up)) Listen, bitch...  
  
ELENDIRA: Oh ho ho ho ho!!! Welcome to my humble adobe! I'll give you more sweets if you go inside and eat with me!  
  
LEGATO: I know what you want to do!!! And Master would prefer me to eat him than you! ((grabs onto Knives protectively))  
  
KNIVES: ((whispering)) We have to go in, it's in the script.  
  
LEGATO: ((groans)) Okay, let's go.  
  
((The three of them go inside the house, where Elendira pushes Legato into the very familiar box-coffin thingie he's in for Trigun Maximum and locks it, and handcuffs Knives to his bed.))  
  
LEGATO: This isn't the manga, skank!  
  
ELENDIRA: If it isn't, explain why I'm here.  
  
LEGATO: ....  
  
KNIVES: Hey.. this wasn't in the script...  
  
((Elendira pushes a plate full of food in front of Legato, and he starts to eat...without hands of course. Insert images from Trigun Maximum Volume 2 here.))  
  
KNIVES: Damn. That's...interesting. Hey! Elendira! You're taking off my shorts!  
  
ELENDIRA: That's right, Master...  
  
LEGATO: ((Looks up from food, has a whole hamburger in his mouth, and his eyes widen with horror. He quickly swallows the hamburger, and breaks out of the coffin-box thing.)) HOLD IT, EVIL WITCH!  
  
KNIVES: ((Eyes all watery and shoujo anime-ish)) Legato!  
  
ELENDIRA: ((Gets off of Knives)) Okay, you blue-haired whore! Time to die!!!  
  
LEGATO: Bring it, slut!  
  
((Legato lunges at Elendira, pushing her over the bed. Elendira pulls on Legato's hair, and Legato bites Elendira's hand. It's a pretty bloody scene. Dresses are torn, make-up is smudged. Legato picks up Elendira, and throws him against a wall. Elendira runs to tackle Legato, but he dodges, sending Elendira into a giant oven. Legato closes the door, and helps Knives with the handcuffs.))  
  
KNIVES: That was a little graphic for children's television.  
  
LEGATO: He was all tryin' ta get mah man, ya know?  
  
KNIVES: Uh, yeah.  
  
LEGATO: ((smiles)) Okay!  
  
MIDVALLEY: ((whispering)) That was truely disturbing. ((normal voice level)) Uh, the two kids left the evil witch's house, where they found their dad outside.  
  
((Knives and Legato walk outside the house to see Wolfwood standing there, still dressed in the lumberjack outfit. Knives takes this time to zip up his pants, and Legato takes off part of the house and eats it.))  
  
WOLFWOOD: Um, I'm here to take you home.  
  
KNIVES: Is that bi--er, is our stepmother still there.  
  
WOLFWOOD: No, I ditched her.  
  
LEGATO: ((munch munch)) Good for you. ((munch munch)) Bros before hos.  
  
WOLFWOOD: Yeah.... Thank you... daughter dear.  
  
LEGATO: No problem. ((munch munch))  
  
((all three of them walk off camera, and the words "The End" appear.))  
  
MIDVALLEY: The end. Thank god. 


End file.
